Katie Price: My wedding to Kieran Hayler was a shambles
Katie Price and Kieran Hayler are now husband and wife
The stress of Katie Price's wedding gave her a cold sore
Kieran Hayler has stripped on EastEnders
The model says nothing could ruin her happiness with Kieran, 25, but she wishes a few things at the Sandals Royal Bahamian Resort And Spa had been a little different.
'One of the first things I asked [our butler] when we arrived was if there was a private section of the beach I could sunbathe on,' says Katie, 34.
'She asked me: "Why? Are you famous?" Kieran eventually told her "Yes" and she added: "Are you a porn star?"
'I've done a few things in my time but porn isn't one of them, and it's not the sort of thing a bride-to-be expects to be asked by a member of staff at a so-called classy hotel.'
Katie got hitched to stripper Kieran on a beach in front of just six people after a whirlwind two-month relationship.
She told her Twitter followers on their return to the UK that her new partner made her 'complete' - but says the stress of their nuptials left her with a cold sore on her lip.
'The whole resort had more an of 18-30 holiday club vibe than a romantic wedding venue,' Katie writes in The Sun.
'That's fine for Kieran because he's almost young enough to use the crèche facilities, but I'm practically an OAP.'
Sandals tell The Sun that they're willing to give Katie a refund as a gesture of goodwill on condition that she doesn't choose their resorts in the future - including for 'any future weddings'.