Jordan admits she made mistakes with Peter Andre
And for the first time in her life, she's powerless to get what she wants, friends say.
'She wishes they could start their relationship again and be a happy family, but she keeps these feelings buried, so the only side anyone sees is the spiteful one.
‘She calls Pete every name under the sun. She said last week that he was emotionally backward, when really they both are. They're both trying to hate when deep down they want it all to be resolved.'
Jordan's usual defence would be to party her worries away. But this time, friends say she's withdrawing into herself, has become reclusive and is spiralling down to her lowest level.
When Jordan, 31, left the jungle after I'm A Celebrity - Get Me Out Of Here! in November, she hoped that she and Pete would be reunited, but what followed was a bitter Christmas spent arguing over who had the kids.
‘Things have gone from bad to worse,' says a friend. ‘Jordan believed the fighting reached its peak with the divorce, but the nastiness between them remains. Now she's admitting how hard she's finding it to cope with his fury.'
In private, she's now told friends that she's made huge mistakes with Pete.
‘She's finally admitting to herself and friends the part she played in the demise of their marriage. The problem is that the chance of this revelation having any impact on Pete is pretty slim and she knows that.
‘She's very down and is fighting with everyone. She's arguing with her mum Amy and won't take advice from friends like Julie [Williams] and Phil [Turner], so they've no choice but to walk away.'
Jordan's mental state has long worried her family. Her brother Daniel, the least showbiz of them all, wants her to quit the celebrity scene and concentrate on her children and horse breeding, something Jordan is genuinely good at.
‘Her marriage was ruined from being in the spotlight. If only she'd shunned the showbiz lifestyle, maybe she'd still be with Pete,' our source says.
The pair have now reached a deadlock, insiders say. ‘They're locked in a war of words that neither wants, but they can't see a way to work it out.'
After a recent visit to see his parents in Australia, Pete's back home, but struggling with his own regrets. The trip brought memories of his own marriage back to the surface and he left feeling trapped by his anger at Jordan, yet also wanting to forgive her, just for his own peace of mind.
Our source says: ‘He's tried to block her out, he's tried to hate her, but how can he? She's the mother of his children. Spending time with his mum Thea and dad Savva gave him a break from the all the anger. They're deeply religious and have been married a long time, so they want him to work it out with Jordan.
‘But back home in England he fell right back into the battle he doesn't really want. He feels like he's back to square one - rowing with Jordan, which is destroying them both.'
One of the problems Pete, 36, faces is that he's in such a fragile state of mind, he's easily influenced by those around him. His management have ordered him to stay away from Jordan and have no contact with her. His brother Mike, who he lives with in Brighton, has branded Jordan a Medusa - a mythical monster - and says she has a ‘heart of stone'. Everyone's pushing Peter away from Jordan, which goes against his genuine desire to forgive.
‘Pete couldn't even look at Jordan in court; she was hurt by that. It's like the pain was too much,' adds Now's insider. ‘It's not the real Pete to try to hate her so much - it's really causing him greater agony.'
‘When he looks at the kids, he sees her in them, so he'll change their clothes and do their hair differently. He can't even bear to refer to their mother by name. It's very hard for him and he's in a very difficult position.'
The couple are even arguing about Princess's haircut, which Pete admitted last week was ‘childish'. He went on to say: ‘My biggest wish for 2010 is that I don't have to deal with stuff like this any more.' Let's hope he gets his wish.
See the full story about Jordan and Peter Andre in Now magazine dated 25 January 2010 - out now!