Monday, 23 October 2006

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Nikki Grahame: My battle with OCD

An arduous journey of anorexia, OCD and hospitals

Nikki Grahame became a star on Big Brother – getting her own TV show Princess Nikki – but 24-year-old still battles with obsessive complusive disorder.

‘I wanted to achieve something huge,’ she tells Now. ‘I’ve been out of hospital for eight years, but I’ve missed all my schooling. I could never go to university, but it’s damn well time I achieved something good in my life and repaid my mum for all the crap I’ve put her through.’

She once weighed 2st 9lb

Her hilarious antics on this year’s BB were in sharp contrast to her earlier health struggles, which culminated in an anorexia-induced coma at the age of 12, when she weighed a shocking 2st 9lb.

When her parents divorced around the same time that her beloved grandfather died, Nikki’s happy childhood ended. The devastated eight-year-old gymnastics student began feeling inadequate and was soon convinced she was fat. ‘Stopping eating was a way of keeping Mum close,’ she recalls. ‘It was a downward spiral that became difficult to get out of.’

BB was like being in hospital

This marked the beginning of a 10-year nightmare for Nikki, who spent most of her teens in and out of psychiatric hospitals. In fact, she found that the BB house was akin to being confined in a hospital.

‘That’s why I adapted so well,’ she laughs. ‘I’m used to being in confined areas. To me, it was just like a holiday camp. I had no responsibilities. In the house all I had to worry about was whether the bloody air-con was on or when they’d boot me out.’

Although still incredibly slim, Nikki’s eating problems are now behind her. ‘I have a healthy lifestyle. Yes, I’m a bit erratic, a bit stroppy and I have temper tantrums. I can be irrational, but I’m perfectly in control of my life.’

A chronic fear of germs

Sadly, Nikki’s experiences and need for control and order in her life have left her suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). This causes people to have unwanted thoughts (obsessions) and repeat certain behaviours (compulsions), interfering with their daily lives.

‘If someone passed me a fork with their hand over the mouth bit, I wouldn’t be able to use it,’ admits Nikki. ‘If someone poured me a drink and I didn’t see where the cup came from, I wouldn’t be able to drink it. It’s different in a bar because I know they’ve been in the dishwasher.’

Nikki’s chronic fear of germs leads to her obsessive-compulsive behaviour. ‘I don’t like touching door handles. I open doors with the back of my hand or get someone else to open the door. I never touch the toilet lock. I use tissue to touch the lock and the chain. I hover over the toilet seat. Not my own toilet seat, though!

There are worse things

‘There’s nothing wrong with being like that. It’s better than starving myself to death – there are worse things I could do. It’s just the way I am, I don’t need to change. If I become really content in life I may forget these traits, but at the moment it’s not harming me or anyone else. It’s just something I do.’

OCD explained

• Worries, doubts and irrational beliefs are common, but when they become excessive, such as endless hand washing, then it’s an OCD. The disorder includes both obsessions and compulsions.
• Common obsessions are: a fear of germs or dirt; a need to have things ‘just so’; to ask questions or confess; or to repeatedly wash, count, check or touch things.
• Although OCD is curable in some individuals, most sufferers achieve symptom relief with medication and psychological techniques, such as cognitive behaviour therapy.
• For further information, visit www.ocfoundation.org.

Gillian Crawley and Justine Harkness