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  • Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag may need to re-think their Downton Abbey dreams
  • Spener Pratt, you'd better sort that hair out if you fancy being on Downton
  • The Dowager Countess would NOT approve of Speidi invading her estate
  • 'What, what? What is a Speidi?'
  • We managed to makeover Geordie Shore to look Downton-esque - could Speidi follow suit?
I am beyond puzzled.

We all know that the glorious Downton Abbey has been a smash hit Stateside.

The American factor is part of that obsession - writer Julian Fellowes was a clever, clever man by making matriarch Lady Cora Crawley an American.

It means that the door is open for various American family members to turn up in good old Blighty (and usually laugh at how darn ol' fashioned' the estate is).

And the latest Downton rumours?

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt want to appear on the show.

Yes, really.

Heidi told OK! magazine: You know, I really do feel like I was born in the wrong century and the wrong country. We should have been born... Lord and Lady of the manor.'

Babes, I'd loved to have been Lady Grantham too. Dinners cooked, dresses to die for, scandals-a-plenty to keep things interesting, and money rolling out of my ears? Er, yes please.

But it doesn't mean I deserve a part on our blessed Downton!

Heidi's hubby Spencer Pratt, added: We are huge fans of Downton Abbey.' (Aren't we all, Spencer?)

He continues to say: We have heard on the grapevine that they might be looking to write us a part as villainous long-lost American cousins. We're big fans of Dame Maggie Smith, and she is of us.'

Riiiiight.

First off, I'd like to hear these words from Dame Maggie Smith's mouth.

Secondly, I'd like to find out where these grapevine rumours started.

And thirdly, Heidi, honey, you're gorgeous: but plastic surgery wasn't, er, advanced enough in Downton-age to create the Barbie-look you've had done.

Think again, guys. I'm sorry, but the dream isn't going to happen.

There's nothing to stop you buying a castle and some maids, though.

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