TOWIE is back to its best at last - without Mark Wright
I have an announcement to make. TOWIE has made it through the storm! It's been three seasons since Mark Wright tearfully departed (and with him took most of the decent storylines).
Placed at the centre of basically every romance, when Mark left the show went wobbly for a good long while. In my opinion, a whole year.
We've had to sit through forced scenes between Billi Mucklow and Cara Kilbey (do we really care if they're best mates, only wear maxi dresses and have an ugly dog?).
But the show made a turn around for the books with June's The Only Way is Marbs spesh.
And last night's TOWIE brought me all sorts of joy. For the first time in months I thought ‘I love this show again'. And it no longer needs Mark Wright to function!
So, to last night: first up, Gemma and Arg did a pregnancy test. The result was negative, and the nation let out a sigh of relief. No, the couple are NOT ready for babies just yet.
And then Gemma went and fluffed the scene by absent-mindedly putting the pregnancy test in her mouth. Like she was biting a pencil. Only it wasn't a pencil. Lovely.
Really, Gemma? Didn't they teach you about germs and stuff at school?
Oh, hold on - this is the point when somebody needs to pinch me and remind me that some scenes are ‘set up purely for your entertainment'. I forget sometimes.
The sex education theme continued, with Diags taking a trip to the local GUM clinic with Joey Essex and Tom Pearce in tow. I won't go into too much detail here. But it was grim.
I suggest ITV Player if you have missed out on this telly gem. You won't learn much about the birds and the bees but you will cry with laughter.
Next up, Charlie's birthday, at a club called Funkymojoe (yeah...), with the introduction of two new characters, Darrell and Jamie.
I'm not sure which one was which, or where they came from, but Darrell or Jamie was whingeing because he had had a thing with Lydia Bright.
He then seemed outraged when Lydia, one of the, er, cast of TOWIE, turned up at the nightclub, which he runs, or owns, or something. How very dare she!
How about not having TOWIE film in your nightclub to start with then, Jamie or Darrell?!
It was a fairy sedate fight, but I predict a brawl in the next few episodes.
Oh, Essex. It's back to it its totally nonsensical best. And Mark Wright is nowhere to be seen. Gutted, Mark?