Saturday, 9 January 2010

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Celeb Big Brother: Mankini madness

Ivana Trump arrives in the Celebrity Big Brother house and Vinnie Jones picks on Alex Reid...

Celebrity Big Brother: Alex Reid, what an arse.

I knew it. The moment I said there was no romance going on Katia and Basshunter would jump into bed together.

It's the usual Big Brother affair though. Despite snuggling up together and ear snogging going on, Katia is still saying they are ‘just friends' doing some ‘innocent flirting' and ‘enjoying each other's company'. Yeah, and I'm sure you're boyfriend thinks that too, Katia.

If you don't fancy him then don't snuggle up in bed with him, it really is that simple.

I do have to congratulate BB for their punishment for Basshunter after he wimped out and refused to do the tree of temptation's evil bidding by pouring sand in another housemate's bed.

Using his own music as torture was brilliant and it's nice to have the horror of his songs now officially recognised. Lady Sovereign, you have earnt my respect by not riping your own ears off and attempting to beat Basshunter to death with them. I know I would have done.

I am beginning to love Sisqo more and more. Bless him for agreeing to wear the mankini, only to discover if he had held on for a few more minutes he would have escaped the shame. Oh well. I love BB for sarcastically pointing out that ‘Big Brother has gone to a lot of trouble to provide you such a wide range of colours.' Like that makes having your arse out on national TV any better.

However, I could have done without Sisqo revealing he would be shaving his arse for the event. As it is I already know that Basshunter has a back, sack and crack wax. That was enough to leave me feeling slightly queasy for the rest of the series.

The hunk off would have been decidedly without any kind of hunk whatsoever if it had not been for Sisqo. It also gave Dame Stephanie Beachamthe chance to exclaim to the other girls: ‘For all the tea in china I couldn't do the equivalent of that, but I do have to admit that Sisqo has the most fabulous bum.' I could not love Stephanie more.

Referring to Alex and Stephen Baldwin boxing in the lounge, not only did he call them dumb and dumber, he also came out with the classic: ‘If bullshit was music there would be a brass band in the lounge right now.' Spot on, Vinnie.

The love in between those two is making me feel ill. Stephen is constantly stroking his already enormous ego to try and convert him, while Alex claims that he doesn't seek fame. No of course you don't. That's why you're on Celebrity Big Brother, isn't it?

I liked Vinnie winding up Alex about being gutted at not being thought of as a hunk. He's a bit of a school bully, because he knows he can get away with saying what he likes and Alex wouldn't dare say anything back. If it was directed at anyone else I wouldn't be happy, but Alex is fair game.

I have to say I was slightly underwhelmed by Ivana Trump's arrival in the house. However, doing it in the middle of the magic trick was quite inspired. Unless she starts being a total cow though, we could do without her. She may be fabulously rich, but Stephanie out classes her at every step.