The X Factor: Twin torture

John and Edward hurt my eardrums as the others struggle to embrace their inner divas...

John and Edward: Why?

Louis Walsh is a genius. An evil genius, that is. The Twins just get worse, yet their popularity increases.

The choice of camping up Oops I Did It Again was kind of inspired. Although the fact John and Edward did the talky bit in the song to each other was verging on the creepy.

Don't think I'm softening towards them. Oh no. They can't sing, the PVC red suits were upsetting and they can't dance in time. To sum up, it was a whole world of wrong. If they could perform in time that would at least make up for the strangled vocal. It was like aural torture in stereo. I don't think they'll go home though. It's like Chico all over again.

I do like Lucie, but she didn't have the breath control or the power for that song. If your mate had done it on the karaoke you would be raving about her, however, you wouldn't be making her a pop star just yet. On a positive note, she's really sweet, she looked good and she moved around the stage well, but like Cheryl said, at the moment she's still missing something.

Olly may have been a little flat to begin with, but then he got really good. Like really good. Great performance [although I don't know what the X Factor's obsession is with shiny suits and Perspex stairs]. He's looking like a bit of a contender this week. Back in the game, Olly, back in the game!

I know Miss Frank need to show that they're a group, but maybe they could try not constantly hugging and wearing matching T Shirts? It's on stage you need to come together girls, not on the VT.

I have to agree with Simon Cowell's comments, which makes me sad because I really like Miss Frank. Just do some rapping Graziella and lose the baggy crotched trousers Shar and we could be back on form.

I think Rachel could be in trouble again this week . She's not bad at all, but she just doesn't jump out at you. The competition is fierce this year and sadly she could get lost in the mix.

Joseph looked and sounded a bit like a young George Michael this week and has continued to surprise me.

But enough about how good he is, what about those baby pictures eh? I can't believe he gave the X Factor pictures of him wearing a skirt? What was he, or his mum, thinking! Also he was a chubby teenager - who would have thought it? So girls, remember, while he may not be a catch at school watch out for when the puppy fat goes!

Meanwhile, Danyl had the cutest kid pictures of the bunch. I thought he was good tonight and I still don't get the cocky stuff, although I think he may struggle to fight against the backlash despite being one of the best singers up there.

Lloyd is turning into a proper little heartthrob isn't he? He's very cute and I think he got away with the song even though it should have been too big for him. He does remind me an awful lot of Adam Rickett though.

Rikki was giving it everything he had, but he just doesn't do it for me. He punched the high note, I‘ll give him that, but I don't get a young boy singing Respect. Sorry Rikki, you're a nice boy, but the others are better.

I'm still loving the afro although I do wish they'd stop putting the scarf in his back pocket every week. Jamie did brilliantly and showed how experienced he is. However, a word of warning - don't get too excited at the end or people may start accusing you of being cocky like Danyl.

Last up was Stacey. Love her, love her, love her! That is all.

My dear friend Deby, who I mentioned last week, also told me the best bit of X Factor gossip ever today. She's not in the media industry, which makes it a genuine bit of gossip. Sadly, she's told me she will kill me if I tell you. Damn it.

Finally, what is going on with Cheryl Cole's big hipped dresses? Dannii Minogue is winning the style war this year, even with a Mr Whippy on her head. Now the botox has started wearing off she seems much more human too.

I'm also enjoying Simon turning on Cheryl. The new girls always get an easy ride in the first year, then it goes wrong. Watch out Cheryl, the backlash may be on its way...