TV Addict
Big Brother 9 has arrived, so here's my minute-by-minute guide to the new housemates...
Thursday, 5 June 2008
It’s finally here. Davina is wearing black and shouting. The crowd is a hate-filled mob and Big Brother is promising to be evil. It can only mean one thing… Big Brother is back.
So to kick off the long, long summer here’s my minute-by-minute guide to the new housemates and, like Big Brother, I promise to be brutal [and probably change my mind about all of them by the weekend, but that’s my prerogative, so I don’t care]
21.00 I’m very impressed by the house so far. Loving the plush bedroom – but even more the evil bedroom. Ooh itchy blankets. The bathroom is really rather nasty, but at least we'll get to see everything this year. Actually I take that back maybe that's not a good thing - I'm already having flashbacks of Carole in the shower.
The garden is nice too, although I’m upset the smokers get shunned so much. However, I do like what looks like a bitching pod.
Everyone is going to get very hacked off with the size of the kitchen and the fact they have to buy tokens for essentials like hot water. So far, so good.
21.10 Mario and Lisa have already made me feel a little disturbed by all the sex talk. She's wearing a bit too much make up and he looks like he might be fond of the fake tan. They're a bit too self obsessed for my liking too.
21.13 I cannot believe that according to Davina, Mario would like Lisa to: 'Lose weight and have another boob job'. Oh you are charming mate, just charming. Apparently she also once pretended to be a Gladiator? Oh dear. I think they may be made for each other.
21.15 - Lisa did just say 'that’s beautiful' at the tackiest bathroom in the world didn’t she?
21.17 Luke is the next in and what an irritating boy he is. His ears need to be pinned back and there's a strong possibility that he needs to get a life. His friends tell him he looks like Justin Timberlake, apparently. His friends lie.
21.21 Stephanie arrives, reveals she thinks she amazing, then admits that girls don't like her. Hmmm, I wonder why? Nuts and Zoo will love her. Me, not so much.
21.23 Ooh BB is getting started already by calling them to the Diary Room and splitting Mario and Lisa up. Lisa clearly doesn't like it and to be fair Stephanie doesn't look sure either. Mario on the other hand looks like it's Christmas.
21.35 Rachel arrives. Kill. Me. Now. Shuuuuuuttttt uppppppp!
21.37 Rachel looks a bit like Kate Beckinsale crossed with the receptionist from Hotel Babylon.
21.38 Dale's next and I may hate him even more. Arrogant doesn't even cover it. Apparently he would stab anyone in the back for £100,000 and a bit of fame. BB is his spiritual home. I hate him. He also looks a bit like former Home And Away star Dieter Brummer.
21.42 My gran used to use the word 'trendy', Sylvia, so really it means you're not. There’s a touch of the Charleys about her already. She says the only thing she doesn't like about her appearance is her wrists. I have the same problem.
21.45 Do you think Dennis is gay? Those pants he has squeezed into are upsetting, as is he in general. He has an ego the size of Birmingham and says he wouldn’t go out with someone better looking than him. He may have to wait a while for a date then.
21.53 Mikey seems quite nice and at least the fact that he's blind explains his terrible dress sense. No need for the women’s underwear though really.
21.58 Alexandra has a very high opinion of herself, but she doesn't seem as hideous as the crowd appear to have found her.
22.01 Why do people always think if others don’t like them it’s jealousy? Rex doesn’t seem as arrogant as I first thought he might be.
22.02 OK, Davina has just informed me that he wants to be a 'professional bully'. I may have changed my mind. He’s also taking a picture of himself into the house. Give me strength.
22.04 Wow, that is a nice afro. Mohammed seems OK. That is all.
22.07 Can Stephanie and Mario stop pointing out that they are boyfriend and girlfriend, it's making it really obvious that they're not. Lisa really doesn't look happy about it, but then again neither does Stephanie. Mario is still loving it though.
22.08 What is Rebecca saying? She is Vicky Pollard. Not totally hideous, but she my need to shut up. She should not be wearing a skirt that short either. OK she's started hyperventiling now, it's not that exciting love. I know I'm watching it.
22.10 I've just realised that arrogant boy Dale also looks like Darren from Hollyoaks
22.17 Darnell seems OK and quite sweet. The albino bit doesn’t bother me, but the American football bit does. I'll forgive him for now.
22.20 It's Darnell, not Donald it’s not that hard to understand. Then again that would involve them not shrieking for five seconds.
22.22 Jennifer is anti-abortion, anti-meat and anti-asylum seekers. I'm not warming to her so far. Do you think some of the others might not too? What a shame. She does look a bit like Cheryl Cole. A very tiny bit. As in she has similar hair.
22.24 I think Rebecca is actually going to explode.
22.25 Kathreya says people think she may be a prostitute because she comes from Thailand. Prostitute? No. Cookie monster? Yes. Those shoes that she's wearing are bloody ridiculous, as is her dancing, but she seems relatively nice if a bit over excitable. She looks a bit like Nancy Lam therefore my boyfriend will probably think she's amazing.
22.26 My boyfriend does think she's amazing.
22.27 Can somebody sedate Rebecca? Please?
So, that's our lot. There are tons of them. Most of them are annoying and I am never going to remember all their names. As Charley would say, I'm not being funny, but who do they think they are?
I'm already looking forward though to Stephanie and Mario being told they have to get married for real on Sunday. What's the betting they do? This is BB after all and nothing would surprise me...
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Brilliant summary Karen...I can tell it is going to be a great series...Rebecca needs to be put down and fast before she bursts everyone's eardrums :)
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