Tuesday, 19 February 2008

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Creeping up the backstairs

My first colonic

The contents of my lower intestine seems a fitting follow-up to, actually make that an improvement on, Natasha Kaplinsky’s style, and leaving no stone unturned in my weight loss quest, I decided the time had come for me to lose my colonic irrigation virginity.

Despite the well-known health benefits to the body, my main motivation behind booking myself in was that it’s the extreme detox trick of the famous and fabulous, and I’d heard a certain celebrity had dropped a stone in weight after she had a colonic.

The science bit:
Colon hydrotherapy or irrigation is a gentle infusion of warm, purified water that can help eliminate mucus, stored waste matter and toxins from the bowel. The colon forms the last part of the digestive tract. Its function is to absorb the water-soluble nutrients as well as synthesise certain vitamins. It is also a major player in the excretory system responsible for eliminating food and other wastes when the internal environment becomes unbalanced due to stress, food additives, certain drugs, smoking, excess alcohol - the repercussions can be felt through the body.

So I found myself at the super-posh The Hale Clinic – Princess Diana’s purveyor’s of colonic hydrotherapy – in a treatment room surrounded by amethyst and rose quartz crystals while my colonic hydrotherapist Victoria Cooper – who boasted a Zen-like presence and bore a striking resemblance to Liv Tyler’s ethereal portrayal of Arwen in the Lord of the Rings trilogy - sloshed filtered water about my lower intestine.

OK, I’m not gonna lie to you. Was it embarrassing? Well, as a Style Editor who religiously has Hollywood waxes, you’re asking the wrong person. Did it hurt? Let’s just say the insertion came as a bit of a surprise, but none of the stories of torn intestines and unpredictable post-colonic bowel movements myths were true for me.

And most importantly, did I lose a stone? Nope. Not even an ounce. Gutted (pun intended).

Find The Hale Clinic – London’s primary centre for complimentary medicine - at 7 Park Crescent, London W1B 1PF. For an appointment call 020 7631 0156. Visit www.haleclinic.com for a full list of therapies and treatments.