Dan Wootton's celebrity villain and hero of the week: Leandro Penna and The Queen
It is impossible to put into words just quite how consistent and important this 86-year-old woman has been for the country and the Commonwealth.
Growing up in New Zealand, one of my favourite memories was when I got to cover one of her royal visits Down Under as a young journalist. Seeing her in action up close was a sight to behold. She was tireless and professional.
I am particularly happy that the last 10 years have been such happy ones for the Queen.
After the trauma of her children's disastrous personal lives and Princess Diana's tragic end in 1997, then the deaths of the Queen Mother and Princess Margaret a decade ago, she deserves some happiness.
VILLAIN: LEANDRO PENNA
But now that he's her fiancée, the Argentinean model appears to be just another part of the business plan.
Cue the most horrendous publicity stunt I have ever seen this week, where a ropey looking Jordan pranced about in her knickers while Leandro hung about in tight boxers, apparently stuffed with half his sock drawer.
Leandro, you don't have a career in this country and, quite frankly, if you keep up this sort of embarrassing behaviour justbecause Jordan tells you to, you never will. Have some self-respect please.